Skakespeare in Swedish

Right now at Swedish language school (Yup, I'm still there) I'm working on a rather large topic regarding different forms of literature during the last 2000 years. For the moment it's just learning and reporting on the basics. While I'm presenting the work in Swedish, it's not really Sweden related.

Which takes me back to an earlier post. It's been my observation that the majority of Swedes are not terribly street smart when it comes to the practicalities of life outside of Sweden. They tend to come across as slightly confused, especially when there are not 15 different varieties of sausage to choose from, or when faced with a sandwich that has a slice of bread on the top. Quite happy tourists, just rather unsure and a little lost.

The other side of the situation is that most Swedes are very well educated in the outside world. In a theoretical manner. They know a lot about the history, geography, and current affairs of a great many countries which have little connection with Sweden. They seem to like learning about such things.

So here I am, sitting in a Swedish language class, being educated on the great English authors of the past 1,000 years. And I am embarassed to say that my Swedish language tutor knew far more about the topic than I did.

Looking back on the New Zealand education system, I am shocked to realise exactly how narrow a focus it had. We studied world events, and we studied literature. But only those events and works which had a direct bearing on NZ. 30 years later I can still recite extracts of "In Flanders Fields", and tell you the date of the signing of ANZUS treaty alliance (as much of a monumental mistake as that was). But I couldn't tell you where Portugal is. Or what language they speak in Belgium. There was an optional class in my final year of high school where one could learn about classic (non-NZ related) works of literature, but that was generally considered to be the domain of those who buttoned their school blazers on the wrong side.

Talking at school, and at home, the generally opinion seems to be the same. Swedes learn an aweful lot about the world outside of Sweden, but not so much about Sweden itself. A kind of parallel universe to the one I left behind. I'm not sure why that is. Possibly Swedes think it's a bit too boastful to be studying themselves. They can be a tad bashful. Or maybe they don't think that their country is important enough to study. I'm not suggesting that they know nothing about their own country, but the balance between national and international knowledge is rather strangely weighted. I enjoy watching the Swedish version of the TV game show "Are you smarter than a 10 years old?". Or whatever the correct name is. It's a great programme to help me with my language. Anyway, I see that the adults playing the game are way more comfortable with world history topics than they are with Swedish geography questions. Which gives strength to the conclusion.

Personally, I think they are missing out. Sweden is a very unique country, with so many special little quirks (not all of which are positive, admitedly) that it's a crime not to explore it in depth. Sweden holds a special place in world history, and has affected some many other countries along the way. Despite it's comparative isolation on the world stage. A few years ago there was an advertising campaign in New Zealand, in response to the large numbers of people emigrating to greener pastures. The catch phrase was simply "Don't Leave Town Till You've Seen The Country". Could be worth a try.

When in Rome...

Well, not quite Rome. But near enough. Last week we took a 4 day flying trip to Milan. Initially it was to see a football game. But the significance of that event quickly became overshadowed once it was discovered that Milan was the home of the odd fashion shop. Or two. Or 10. But that's a story for another day. This was my first real trip outside of Sweden since arriving in Sweden. I don't really count our trip to Iceland, as that was just a group of Swedes hanging around together. This was just the 2 of us, in a strange new world. And a world that embraced neither English nor Swedish as a language. And here's where I discovered something really interesting about my current destination in life. I had learnt, or tried to learn, a little Italian. Prior to our trip. Nothing too complicated or technical. Just so we could hail a cab, order a pizza, or check the price on something. When I arrived to Sweden I knew a few Swedish words and phrases. But I was very very selfconcious about my shortcomings, so was reluctant to try them out with any anger. Still am to an extent, but that's slowly fading with my sense of self respect. In Milan I discovered that, when you are crap at speaking one language, and you know that you are, and you accept that you are, and you've given up being polite........ you have no problem at all about being crap in another language. So I let those poor sods in Milan have it. Both barrels of tragic Italian. It was bollocks, they never understood a frickin word, and I couldn't have cared less. I consider that to be progress along my Swedish journey.

TV, or not TV

I realise that it's been a while since I've written anything constructive, or helpful. Or anything nice, come to think of it. I'll have a crack at that now, but don't go holding out for high expectations. Today, my experience with Swedish television options. That's viewing options, not buying options. Buying a TV is frickin expensive in Sweden. Twice the price of the same model in NZ. And a 42 inch flat screen TV does NOT fit into the back of a Volvo V70. Word to the wise. Anyway, if you want to watch telly in Sweden, you have a few choices to make about who you buy the service from. There are about half a dozen suppliers, all essentially offering different combinations of the same 100 (ish) TV channels. Which makes them all pretty much the same. Some suppliers also offer internet and telephone services when buying a tv package. There are some savings to be made that way, but the other suppliers generally wise up to this and adjust their prices to match. So what are the options. Generally a supplier will offer 3 packages for sale, being Small, Medium and Large. The Small package will have about a dozen channels, and the Large package about 70. The channels included within each package are chosen by the supplier, not by the customer. But you can often buy additional individual extra channels if you like. So you could buy the Small package, and then also choose to buy, say, the BBC channel. As an extra. The 3 packages are offered by each supplier, but the make up of the channels within each package can vary a little between suppliers. So that could be the defining factor that determines who you choose. If you take a Large package, you get all the Tv shows, news, kids, music, and documentary channels that are on offer. About 70 channels. Sitting outside these packages, for some reason, are the dedicated sports and movies channels. The big suppliers of these are "Canal" and "Viasat". It's those channels that show live football, and the latest movies. Without advertisement breaks. If you want either of these groups, you have to buy them as a separate package from your programme supplier. All suppliers will offer these. If you are an absolute TV nut, and you sign up for the Large package, plus the "Canal" package, plus the "Viasat" package, you have somewhere around 100 to 110 channels. If you're that way inclined. We're not done quite yet, because Canal also has a number of package options to choose from. You can buy the Movies package, or the Sports package. Or the lot, if you can't be bothered deciding. Overly complicated ? Yup. What did you expect ? So, where to start. Well, if you are renting an apartment, or you buy a apartment, it's quite likely that a basic (Small) television rental package is included in your monthly building cost. And you'll pay for that whether you use it or not. So it might make sense to stick with that supplier if you want to buy more channels. Cabling can be another determining factor. Some suppliers, such as Com Hem, have their own cable system entering the building. Which stops at a normal TV aerial wall socket. Telia, on the other hand, uses their telephone cables to transmit television. Which requires that you purchase a modem to plug into the main telephone outlet in your house. Note, it must be to the main telephone outlet in the house. It won't work if plugged in to any of the other phone outlets. You will then have to connect to your TV with the use of a modem cord. Or, as we did, through the use of a wireless transmitter. Which works well, I have to say. When I say connect to the TV, I mean the cable TV decoder box. Which sits near to your TV. Some TVs have an inbuilt cable TV decoder box. I haven't had personal experience with these but I've heard stories of people having problems trying to record television programmes using this system. So check that out. So there you have the start guide to Swedish Tv. Good to note that English programmes are generally shown in English. With Swedish subtitles to help your language training. Unlike many other European countries which choose to voice over dub everything. Oh, and ( at least, I've heard ) there's good porn on the TV. So money saved at the video shop there. You heard it here first.

Evening musing

Still on the subject of school, I was back at language school last night. I must confess to having been a little derelict in my formal language study duties of late. But I had a major project to finish off at work, we'd moved house, I'd been sick. Yaddy yaddy yah. I remember one of my school masters telling me that one should never have an excuse, one should always have a "reason for". So, those were my reasons for. Anyway, I must have been away for a bit longer than I had realised. As I discovered last night, 2 of my classmates had gotten married, and 3 more were pregnant. I must have missed one hell of a party. I have missed them all, it should be said. Who would have thought, 18 months ago, that I would yearn for the company of a classroom full of people from every corner of the planet. It's rather surreal at times. The teachers are great, and that helps a lot. They treat you as an adult, and not as an idiot. Even though we all feel like idiots at times. My evening class runs twice a week. Which is obviously long enough for marriages and pregnancies. One night focuses purely on grammar. That can be a bit draining after a full day of work. But essential. The other night is spent practicing listening and spoken (uttal) skills. That's always been the hardest part for me, understanding what people are saying to me. So having 2 hours a week doing just that is invaluable. I read somewhere, that the SFI language school teaches to the equivalent level of a Swedish 6 year old. I have even heard the teaching staff say that. That's a bit of an unfair statement. What they mean is, that the number of words they teach you directly, the vocabulary, is about the same number that a 6 year old Swede knows. But we're not 6 years old. We're adults, and we've been speaking for 20+ years. Some of us more than that. So we know how to use language, how to look for the root of words, how to break apart compound words into their simple forms. I might suck at Playstation games, but I can beat a 6 year old any day at learning and applying grammatical rules. Give me a Swedish verb and I can tell you by looking at it what the other forms of that verb will be. Well, most of them. Being taught just one word, you can create another 5 from that word. So don't be fooled by that "dumbing down" of the course description. it does the staff and pupils a bit of a dis-service. Oh, and it's snowing a shitload right now. How cool is that.

Språk Schmoke

Here's one for the "thanks for nothing" box. I live in the north, right. I go to language school in the north, right. So you would think they would include local dialect in the course, right. Wrong. Every now and then I hear something around town that sounds gammitically screwed up. So I tuck it away and ask my ever helpful evening class teachers. To which the reply comes out "Oh, that's local dialect. everyone up here says that". Sure, everyone except for me and the rest of us sitting here in your class, BECAUSE YOU NEVER TAUGHT US THAT. Thanks for nothing. And then, and then, they teach for the word for something. Brilliant, filled with confidence. Only to tell you a couple of months later that it's old Swedish, and no one really says that today. Thanks for nothing.

Travel Etiquette

When taking public transport, watch out for the seat hoggers. There are two varieties of these. They are a curse on society, and both are to be tormented at any and every opportunity. The first group will take the seat nearest to the aisle, placing any bag that they may have, or jacket, on the window seat. Ensuring that no one can sit next to them. They are further distinguishable by the fact that they immediately fasten their seatbelt and tighten it with such vigour that they are expecting the bus to enter light speed at any moment. They are intensely serious people, staring straight ahead, and will avoid any and all eye conctact. They know they are wrong, but you'll have to pry that empty seat from their cold dead hand. The second variety are less of a challenged, but still require an education in manners. This group also place their belongings on the spare seat, but with themselves in the window seat. They really don't want anyone sitting next to them, but they feel guilty about it as well. Generally you find them staring out the window when you arrive alongside ( or pretending to be asleep ), hoping, praying, that you'll move pass them. Don't. Not under any circumstances. Stand up to these seat bullies. One crisp, sharp "URSÄKTA" is usually enough to put the fear of their parents into them. In a sufficiently loud voice so that they know the rest of the bus is now watching them. Daring them. Even if there are other empty seats on the bus, target these leaches of society. And when you do force them into submission, be sure to take up more than your share of the seat. Just because. They obviously have learnt nothing of manners, so it's time to fight fire with fire. And you'll earn the undying adoration of your fellow passengers.

Bussing for Beginners

Public transport in Sweden is very good. And, as a rule, cheaper than taking your car. Unless you've managed to wrangle free parking in town. Buses are large, relatively modern, comfortable, and so reliable that you can set your watch by them. They are nice and warm in the winter, and there's usually a good supply of morning newspapers on board to fill in the time. The drivers are generally pretty helpful. If you tell them where you want to go, they'll help you sort out the correct price. Payment is usually cash, although some routes will accept bank cards. The best way, if you intend to move around a lot, is to buy a pre paid bus card. Swipe it across the scanner then you enter, and that's it. You can buy a card from the bus driver, but that take time and tends to annoy the other passengers. Well, one particular passenger anyway. The preferred method, if you're travelling on my bus, is to purchase your card from the ticket (biljetter) office at the bus station, and not at the bus stop (bushållplats). Generally you buy a certain number of bus rides ( resor) for a specified route ( t.ex från Boden till Luleå ). I don't know how it is elsewhere, but the most I can buy at one time is 40 trips. So that's 20 round trips. What you can do is to buy another 40 before your first 40 have been used. Which is handy to know if you get wind that bus fares are about to rise next week. The scarey part about double decker booking is that your card only shows the number of rides that you have left in your current block. So if you are using your card and you have say 3 rides left, but you've just bought 40 more, your card will only show "3", and not "43". As you ride more often it will show "3", "2", "1", "0", and then "39". You have to learn to trust the system when it shows "0". And save your receipt (kvitto). Buses carry a supply of bus timetables (tidtabeller) on board. If you're not familiar with the 24 hour clock, learn it. Or ride only in the mornings. All buses have safety belts, and there are signs politely reminding you to use them for your safety. But you don't need to. You'll also see a sign saying "försätta bakåt", which basically means to continue towards the back of the bus. All common sense stuff.

Reasons to be Cheerful

Ok, so this is probably about the third time this has happened in the past 2 weeks. Someone is going to get a smack shortly. Every day I take the 7am bus from my hometown to the city where I work. There are 3 buses that arrive at my bus stop at exactly the same time, every day. They all have big "can't miss" signs on the front saying where they are going to. The first to arrive says "university", the second says "hospital", and the third says " direct to city". So I'm waiting at the bus stop, with a group of people. And you know how it is, you can just tell when someone is likely to be a problem. They have this air of eagerness and excitement about them, which translates into not having a clue in the world. About anything. The 3 buses roll into view, in their usual order. The problem with my bus stop is that there's only space for 2 buses at one time. So if there is a third bus, it has to wait back. Not usually a problem because nearly everyone uses a prepaid bus card, so it doesn't take long to load and move off. Not today. I spotted these three hopefuls, gleefully lining up for the first bus. Which had a huge yellow "university" sign scrawled right across the front. They were the first 3 of about 10 people lined up for that bus. After about 2 minues, with everyone else still waiting outside, the 3 pile off the bus again. Clearly they only discovered that the bus was going to the university when they went to pay the driver. And clearly that wasn't where they wanted to go to. They wander down to the second bus, labelled "hospital". Stare at it for some time, then step away from the queue of people trying to get on. The University bus has now finally left, but the "city direct" bus is now stuck behind the university bus, and isn't going anwhere. So the rest of us just generally mill around, waiting. Finally our bus gets a spot at the kerb. The 3 wandering gypsies seize the day and spring to the kerb, ensuring they are the first to get onto the bus. I'm about 6th back in the queue. You can picture my delight when I hear the first person say to the driver, "we would all like to got to the hospital, please". "the hospital ?", "yes please", "the same hospital that the bus with HOSPITAL written all over it goes to ?", "yup, that's the one", "like the bus that's just left ?", "yes, to the hospital", "then, you'll need to take the hospital bus", "not this one ?", "no, not this one". Ah yes, there's nothing that sets the mood for the day better than enjoying a 15 minute performance of the Court Jester and the Village Idiots. Again.

Not in Kansas

It's hard to explain the subtle differences between Sweden and, well, pretty much the rest of the planet. But, today, while cruising through a local town fair, I came across the following sign outside a tent: "Kom och prata om fiskar" or "Come and talk about fish" I don't think there needs to be anything more said.

But wait, there's more !

At first I thought this was just my wife. Whom I love and cherish, I should point out. We're about to head out somewhere. We've written a list. We've packed everything on the list. We've packed a few more things that we had forgotten to put on the list. We've put everything in the car. We've come back into the house. We stand in the middle of the hall. Is that everything ? Yes. Are you sure ? Yes. What about.... ? No, I don't need that. Are you sure ? Yes. Really? Because we have to leave now. Yes. Ok, we're leaving now, nothing else ? No. We lock the house. We get into the car. We drive, maybe a metre. Wait ! Just one thing!! Bit of a raw nerve, this one. But then, I started looking around. And this all seems to be perfectly normal. This morning I watched a woman get on to the bus. She was about 6th in the queue. She waited until she was right with the driver. Then put down her bags and started looking for her purse. Found her bus card in her purse after about 2 minutes and swipped it through. Then proceeded to pack everything up again. Only another 6 people waiting to get onto the bus. She takes about 3 steps. Just enough to excite the next person, who had given up any hope of ever getting onto the bus. She stops, turns around and goes back to the driver. Why ? To top up her bus card. Which of course involved the mandatory unloading and loading of all her bags again. Sheeeesuss !!!! You had 10 minutes to wait for the bus. You had another 2 minutes while the people in front of you found all their bus tickets. One at a time. And now, NOW, you start to think about what you might want to do. How about wanting me to get to my job some time today ? How about wanting that to happen ? Supermarkets, banks, buses, there's a plague of panic and indecision. Maybe it's genetic. Maybe there's something in the water. Maybe it's a government conspiracy designed to keep the masses confused. Maybe I should just get drunk more often.

On the Credit side

I've been guilty of being slightly negative again. So here's a short dose of Swedish positives. Just to keep the books balanced. There' not a great risk of being mugged here. Unless it's by another Kiwi, or maybe an Irishman. In fact, to be fair, I think that most of the locals are a little frightened of me. That's a nice change. There's comfort in being able to walk the streets at night. If you want to. In New Zealand one does not always have the freedom of choice, to go where you will, when you will. That has a lot of value to me. Road rage hasn't been invented in Sweden. Certainly not in the north. If someone seems a bit grumpy behind the wheel then they are most likely a Kiwi or an Australian. Interest rates are a non event. When borrowing. Looking at 3% mortgage rates when coming from a 12%+ mortgage rate country is a real luxury. As is the ability to claim those interest payments back as tax rebates every year. At the other end, you do have to pay tax on the profit you make when selling your house. Which is new for me. But you can offset that by deducting the costs for any work you have done to the property. So save all the paint tin receipts. Fuel is expensive. But that's only to get people off the roads, and on to the excellent public transport system. And it works a treat. It's pretty hard to buy real grease filled, artery clogging, deep fried, fast food. That's a good thing. God but I miss them. The health care system is a true one stop shop. They believe in preventative medicine, which in turn saves everyone time and money later on. It costs a bit for the first consultation, but then it's all smooth sailing from there. And generally quick. The kids in Sweden leave school with a level of education that many adults in other countries will never achieve. Don't even attempt to come here and work in a qualified industry without bringing a top shelf formal qualification with you. These kids will outshine you every time. I see a lot of immigrant kids who have been here for 4, 5, years. They are so well integrated and I can't help think about how lucky they are. They will have opportunities most other First World kids will never have. Alcohol is not that easy or cheap to buy. And that's good. Buying alcohol should be a conscious effort, and not the result of supermarket impulse buying. That being said, when they drink, they drink a lot. Houses are warm !!! Central heating is a dirty word in NZ. God knows why, maybe ignorance is bliss. I'll take this method any day. You can buy fruit and vegetables all year round. And not just when they are being grown in your own country. Sounds rather obvious, but a novel experience for me. The government accepts that immigrants need help to integrate fully into Swedish society, and begin to pay the obscenely high tax rates. And so they help. A lot. Again it sounds an obvious ploy. But sadly lacking in so many other lands. They speak English !!! It's a bit tougher up here in the north. One needs the language to live a semi normal life. But it's so nice to know that you can converse in English. If you need to. Without it being viewed as an inconvenience or nuisance.

Report card

Today it is officially one year since I stepped off the plane at Arlanda. With a song, with a smile, and with hope in my heart. 12 months on, it's time for a report card. It's probably fair to say that I haven't been won over by my lifestyle change. Not yet. Not today. Anyone who thinks that emmigrating is all about excitement and adventure needs to stop smoking that stuff. The reality is stark and raw. In many ways, being so far from good old New Zealand has saved me. Had I come from England, I would have chucked this in long ago and taken the 3 hour flight back to contentment and familiarity. Hell, I would have driven there. But the spectre of a 40 hour plus flight for people, pets, and belongings, has forced me to stick this out. As much of a nightmare as it has been at times. Let's look at the then and now. My plan when I arrived was to slot straight into a Swedish way of life, get a job, buy a house, and live the good life. That was the plan. Today, I have a job, and I own a house. So I guess that's a 50% pass rate. And, to be fair, I don't have a crap life, so maybe we can up that to about 60%. Still a ways short of the 100% I expected to have achieved, with no trouble. Unrealistic ? Absolutely. The biggest mistake I have made, and I see many others also, was in assuming that there would be no cultural differences. After all, I'm european, Sweden is european. It all looks the same from a distance. Wrong. I was totally under prepared for the differences in society. And I'm not just talking about language here. Although obviously that's a biggie. Just the way they do things. Often it's nothing tangible. It's nothing you can really describe. It's just, well, foreign. 9 million people believe that black is really red. And you can scream your lungs out, you won't change a thing. The only solution, the only way to survive, is for you to accept that black is now red. And forget what you may have known in a previous life. Fight it, and you will die here. That's the hardest thing. I'll admit, I fought it. A lot. And I still do from time to time. Some things I will just never accept. Not without losing a part of who I have become over the past 40 plus years. There's a very good reason why Swedes mostly live in Sweden. But for the most part, acceptance is slowly but surely creeping over me. I guess I've probably felt a bit more at peace in the last 2 months or so. Which is a promising sign. I had friends in New Zealand who had emigrated from England. They all told me that it took 18 months before a new land felt like home. And if you could last that 18 months, you would be ok. Frankly, after the first couple of months here, I was convinced that I wouldn't last 6 months. Now I've done 12 months. That gives me just more 6 months to hang in there. And to maybe find that missing 40%.

Speaking of språk

Got a letter in the post yesterday from Vuxenutbildning in Luleå. That's the school for grown up kids. Minus the free lunches. Telling me that the SFI ( Swedish for Immigrants ) evening classes were starting back next week. A new teaching staff list this time around. And they all looked like Swedish names too. Which will be a change from being taught Swedish by Danes and Russians. I wonder how many of my comrades in arms will be returning to the front line with me after 2 months of R&R. Such a motley mixture we were, I suspect we must resemble an international cast of Gilligan's Island. Two Eastern European blackmarket barons, a guy from Congo currently in his 11th year of Swedish language study, a Urkrainian grandmother, a Russian doctor ( and potential registered sex offender ), an Indian guy desperate for love, a Chinese couple hell bent on divorce, 2 French guys who I think simply got lost on the way to somewhere else, and a somewhat cynical Kiwi. All being taught Swedish by a divorced Dane. You couldn't invent such a bizarre group. The real sobering part for me in attending language class, is the great leveller that language brings to people. Here we are, people from all corners of the globe. All with different religious and ideological beliefs. All with different educational backgrounds. Farmers, chemical engineers, company executives, housewives. All of us siting in a small room together at night, twice a week. Stripped bare of status. Everyone of us, exactly the same. We share nothing in common, yet are bound together by adversity. Exactly as Ginger, Gillian, Maryanne, the skipper, the professor, and the Howells. Normally our paths would never cross. By choice. But here we embrace each other. There's a warmth and comfort in not being alone in our struggle. One valuable lesson I have learnt from living in a foreign speaking country, is to acquire a unquestioning respect for those immigrants I had watched struggle in my homeland. I think there's a great truth in the notion that everyone should walk a mile in someone else's shoes. Many people criticise the SFI system. And I think they could do better in their methods. But, for me, being in the company of a group who knows EXACTLY for tough and how soul destroying the road to this new life can be at times. Well, it would not be an overstatement to say that it has saved my Swedish life. On a number of occasions. So to that motley mismatched crew who share the lifeboat with me 2 nights a week, I salute you all.

Hair Today

While Sweden is a fully paid up member of the European Union, they have resisted the urge to take on the Euro as the official currency within Sweden. Sweden has retained it's own currency. Big deal, everyone knows that, it's the Swedish Krona. WRONG !!!!! The official unit of currency in Sweden is the HAIRCUT. The good old fashioned "just a bit off the sides today, thanks" haircut. You can buy and sell small African nations for the price of a Swedish haircut. When I left NZ 12 months ago, I was paying around 20 bucks for a guy's haircut. That's 13 US dollars, 9.5 Euros, 8 British pounds, or 100 Swedish kronor. And for that they also washed and dried it. Now, being advanced in years, my crop of hair is not as dense at it used to be. So you'd expect there to be less effort involved in cutting it. Once they have found it. Last week my "once every 8 weeks whether I need it or not" dry cut cost me the bargain basement price of 350 SWEDISH KRONOR. That's 72 NZ bucks !!! Or 50 US dollars, 34 Euros, and 29 British pounds. For 72 dollars I expect a wash, wax, colour, set, dry, extensions, tyres rotated, and have a full body wax thrown in for free ! There's a bit of status in telling people you've had a haircut. It's like smoking an imported Cuban cigar. And the really rich couples, well they get their hair cut at the same time. Just to make a statement that they can afford to do that. It's important to be seen at a hairdressing ( frisor ) salon. It's important for your status as a man of means, of being someone of stature in the community. Select the location of your salon carefully, your future promotion could well hinge on it.

Name Days

There's a rather strange custom of naming every day in Sweden after people. Usually each day of the year has a boy's name, and a girl's name. Last Saturday was "Sylvia" day, which happens to be the Queen's name. So there was the usual flag raising, canon firing. That seems to occur every other week. I'm not sure of the significance of name days. You don't seem to get a present, or a party. Nothing like that. And of course, if your parents were weird enough to name you Moonbeam, or Rainbow, then you're right out of luck.

Gear up Footy Fans !

Went with my Irish mate to the footy last night. Last minute decision, I'm not a big footy fan, but it was a local derby. So thought it would be a bit of a hoot. Going to a football game in Sweden is pretty far removed from NZ. First up, you can't buy a beer. That's a major culture shock right there. However, I have to say that it's one I agree with. If there's one thing that put me right off going to football games in NZ it was the sight of drunken dads frantically trying to get through their six pack before half time so they could leave their kids and stagger down for a half time purchase. The connection that NZ has made between sport and alcohol is quite bizarre, and does defy logic. The two are so diversely opposed. One thing I do miss at the footy though, and in general, is buying a steak and cheese pie with tomato sauce. I'm salivating just writing this. I'd even settle for a bag of hot greasy chips. God I miss those. So what was on the menu last night ? Well, there were a number of little tables set up around the place, presumably run as fundraisers for kids sport. They sold sandwiches, buns, and cakes, together with cups of coffee. Very civilised bunch, these Swedes. God I miss pies. The game itself never rose to any great heights. One thing that you'll notice about Swedish team sports, and this applies to any team sport, is that nothing happens until there is about 7 or 8 minutes left in the game. Then sheer panic sets in, and it's all on. So, if you like, stay at home a bit longer, and turn up for the last quarter. Why is this so ? Well, Swedes are generally polite people, and don't like controntation as a rule. They are also people who don't like sticking out as individuals. So, before anyone can even THINK about kicking a goal, the ball must be passed to every member in the team at least twice. To be fair. Tackling appears to be the result of accidental contact with the opposing team, rather than any act of intent. Usually followed immediately by an apology. Thank God they've never really been to war with anyone. As a final note, it was quite a laugh to view the parking lot in front of the stadium. As I said, it was a local derby. It was also a crowd record for the stadium, with about 5,500 people turning up. And I reckon that about 5,000 of those, came by bicycle. I have never seen so many bicycles in my life !! God only knows how they knew who's was who's. For once I was glad that I was poisoning the planet a little by driving my Volvo the 5km from home to the stadium. It must have been one helluva cycle trip home.

Summer Lovin

It's entirely possible that I've been a bit negative in some of my postings to date. But it's not always so. It just seems that way most of the time. But, to be fair, we've had a kick arse summer, weather wise. People always view Sweden as the land of ice and snow. And ok, it is that. But up here in the Arctic Circle we've had temperatures over 20 deg C almost every day for the past 3 months. Hell, that's better than I was getting in New Zealand. And sun ? I'd almost forgotten what sun was. Spending the past 5 weeks lying on the sand at the local lake is not such a bad life. Fighting for space on the 200m long strip of beach with, I don't know, maybe 30 people ! And no frickin JETSKIS !!! I have a mate here who has come from Ireland. He's lapping this up like there's no tomorrow. But, when you consider that his only real previous option was the North Atlantic ocean, it doesn't take much to please him. Small wonder that most Swedes choose to stay at home for their summer holidays, rather than travel abroad. Don't leave town till you've seen the country.

Snail Racing

Every day I work through the centre of town from the bus stop, to my office in Luleå. Back in early March, they started ripping up the central paved carriageway. Made a thumping great hole. About 50m long, maybe 15m wide, and anywhere from 1m to 2m deep. Depending on where you looked. There was a hive of activity, laying new pipes and cables. Fenced the whole thing off which I'm sure thrilled the local shop owners no end over summer. Being the high rent areas and all that. We are now in August, and I have to say that, sweet stuff all has happened. It's still a hive of activity, there must be 30 guys on site. But doing what ??? Come on guys, 6 months is long enough already. How many of you does it honestly take to fill in a hole ? Looking at the current rate, and the amount of work still to complete, there is no way on God's green earth that they will EVER finish before winter kicks in. Does this appear to be a great concern to anyone ? Apparently not. Good to see that my highway robbery taxes are not being put to waste. But we mustn't offend anyone. By suggesting that they stop slacking around and do some bloody work !! There, feel better now. Until I have to walk past them again tonight on the way home.

Driving Miss Daisy

Been here almost a year now. And it's time to TRY and get a Swedish driving licence. One of the pitfalls of not coming from an EU land is that my good old Kiwi driving licence ain't worth squat here after a year. No cross crediting, no reduced testing, it's the full monty for me. I've figured out now that everything takes time, and costs money. So I'm doing my best not to look at either for now. Plenty of time to be pissed off later I reckon. Last month I rocked on over to the local driving school to get things going. There's a few compulsary test items that it's really better to have a driving school arrange for you. So I've been told. Anyhow, I explained to them where I was at and what I needed. They seemed happy enough to help. HOWEVER, before I can sit in the car with them, even as a passenger, I need to get a Swedish "learning to drive" permit. But I can drive now, says I, whipping out my still valid in Sweden Kiwi driving card. Don't make a scrap of difference, says they. You need the permit to learn to drive, before we can teach you. Ok, I could see where this was going. So I gratefully accepted the appropriate application forms, hopped into my car which I had legally driven there, and legally drove away. Anyone else spot the obvious flaw in the system here ? Having completed and posted the application form for a learner permit, I sit here and wait for the precious slip to arrive. Around 5 weeks, said the girl on the phone. Everyone else was on holiday it seemed. Gives me a bit more time to study up on the theory side I guess. The theory is a lot more complicated than I remember. It's more about concepts and ideals, rather than hard and fast rules. Which is very unSwedish. But means you have to think more, and understand what their requirements are. Which I guess makes for better drivers. maybe. We'll see in 5 weeks.

House Buying 103

The saga continues today. Yesterday we telephoned the vendor and gave our offer to purchase the property. Which the vendor gladly accepted. So we trotted around there after work to sign the offical purchase papers. And bought ourselves an apartment. Or have we ? Less than 30 minutes after arriving back home we get a phone call from the vendor. Before we can actually own the apartment, we have to be screened by the body corporate committee ( aka the local pensioners with too much time on their hands ) for financial security. And in order to do that, they needed to view our employment contracts, and latest salary details. They did a credit check on us and found out that we had no income for last year. Of course not, WE WEREN'T LIVING HERE !!!!!!!!!! It seems that paying cash for the property, and having a bucketload in the bank wasn't good enough. I guess that's not an option that's written down on the list. Not that I can see there being a problem, but who knows when we might finally have some input into our investment. Pray tell me, why wasn't this mentioned BEFORE we agreed to buy the property ? We were also bidding on another property at the time, which we withdrew from after having our offer accepted at this place. We've now lost that opportunity, should this fall through for whatever reason. We also have to give notice to our landlord. Who knows when we will do that now. All this should be sorted out before anyone puts pen to paper. This is a real "arse about face" country at times. What really bugs me is the lack of consideration shown by so much of Swedish society with regard to the effect that their actions might have on other people. "It's all about me". And it's starting to really piss me off. I'm the one paying the money here, I expect to have some rights. To cap it all off, we have to pay a deposit today. Before knowing if we can even move in !!! Since when did you ever have to hand over money, without receiving something of value in return ? Prisons are full of people who thought that was a good idea.