Simple Minds

It's funny how, when facing challenges at every corner, the smallest of victories can take on monumental proportions. Things that we took for granted as part of our every day former lives are now viewed as glittering gold stars to be fought for and won. While sitting with my rag tag band of fugitives in Swedish language school on Monday evening, it was noted that one of our merry band had, in recent days, passed his driving test. Given that we're all in our 30s and 40s, this should not have been worthy of more than a passing comment and an obligatory compliment. And then we should have all moved on. After all, we had all been driving for 20 years. So no big deal. But then the rules of our former lives no longer apply here. What this event signified to us was that one of us, one of our own, had triumphed. One of us had dared to cross that line between old and new, and he had won ! It wasn't just a victory for him, it was a victory for us all. He knew it, we knew it. At that moment, as we gazed in wonderment at his freshly procured körkort, we were one. A true band of brothers. It was a soul defining moment. Those of us left behind in his wake of triumph and euphoria dreamed together of how it would be. Of the day when we too would take that step closer to being who we once were. Amir had driven a few times with the driving school instructor, so he was rolling. I had sat through the compulsary lecture on drugs and alcohol. Although I'm thinking of asking for a refund there, as I'm none the wiser as to where one goes to buy the really good shit. But we're there, we're on our way. And we have the strength of Chong now, to inspire us and give us the strength for the treacherous road ahead.

On the Credit side

I've been guilty of being slightly negative again. So here's a short dose of Swedish positives. Just to keep the books balanced. There' not a great risk of being mugged here. Unless it's by another Kiwi, or maybe an Irishman. In fact, to be fair, I think that most of the locals are a little frightened of me. That's a nice change. There's comfort in being able to walk the streets at night. If you want to. In New Zealand one does not always have the freedom of choice, to go where you will, when you will. That has a lot of value to me. Road rage hasn't been invented in Sweden. Certainly not in the north. If someone seems a bit grumpy behind the wheel then they are most likely a Kiwi or an Australian. Interest rates are a non event. When borrowing. Looking at 3% mortgage rates when coming from a 12%+ mortgage rate country is a real luxury. As is the ability to claim those interest payments back as tax rebates every year. At the other end, you do have to pay tax on the profit you make when selling your house. Which is new for me. But you can offset that by deducting the costs for any work you have done to the property. So save all the paint tin receipts. Fuel is expensive. But that's only to get people off the roads, and on to the excellent public transport system. And it works a treat. It's pretty hard to buy real grease filled, artery clogging, deep fried, fast food. That's a good thing. God but I miss them. The health care system is a true one stop shop. They believe in preventative medicine, which in turn saves everyone time and money later on. It costs a bit for the first consultation, but then it's all smooth sailing from there. And generally quick. The kids in Sweden leave school with a level of education that many adults in other countries will never achieve. Don't even attempt to come here and work in a qualified industry without bringing a top shelf formal qualification with you. These kids will outshine you every time. I see a lot of immigrant kids who have been here for 4, 5, years. They are so well integrated and I can't help think about how lucky they are. They will have opportunities most other First World kids will never have. Alcohol is not that easy or cheap to buy. And that's good. Buying alcohol should be a conscious effort, and not the result of supermarket impulse buying. That being said, when they drink, they drink a lot. Houses are warm !!! Central heating is a dirty word in NZ. God knows why, maybe ignorance is bliss. I'll take this method any day. You can buy fruit and vegetables all year round. And not just when they are being grown in your own country. Sounds rather obvious, but a novel experience for me. The government accepts that immigrants need help to integrate fully into Swedish society, and begin to pay the obscenely high tax rates. And so they help. A lot. Again it sounds an obvious ploy. But sadly lacking in so many other lands. They speak English !!! It's a bit tougher up here in the north. One needs the language to live a semi normal life. But it's so nice to know that you can converse in English. If you need to. Without it being viewed as an inconvenience or nuisance.

Gear up Footy Fans !

Went with my Irish mate to the footy last night. Last minute decision, I'm not a big footy fan, but it was a local derby. So thought it would be a bit of a hoot. Going to a football game in Sweden is pretty far removed from NZ. First up, you can't buy a beer. That's a major culture shock right there. However, I have to say that it's one I agree with. If there's one thing that put me right off going to football games in NZ it was the sight of drunken dads frantically trying to get through their six pack before half time so they could leave their kids and stagger down for a half time purchase. The connection that NZ has made between sport and alcohol is quite bizarre, and does defy logic. The two are so diversely opposed. One thing I do miss at the footy though, and in general, is buying a steak and cheese pie with tomato sauce. I'm salivating just writing this. I'd even settle for a bag of hot greasy chips. God I miss those. So what was on the menu last night ? Well, there were a number of little tables set up around the place, presumably run as fundraisers for kids sport. They sold sandwiches, buns, and cakes, together with cups of coffee. Very civilised bunch, these Swedes. God I miss pies. The game itself never rose to any great heights. One thing that you'll notice about Swedish team sports, and this applies to any team sport, is that nothing happens until there is about 7 or 8 minutes left in the game. Then sheer panic sets in, and it's all on. So, if you like, stay at home a bit longer, and turn up for the last quarter. Why is this so ? Well, Swedes are generally polite people, and don't like controntation as a rule. They are also people who don't like sticking out as individuals. So, before anyone can even THINK about kicking a goal, the ball must be passed to every member in the team at least twice. To be fair. Tackling appears to be the result of accidental contact with the opposing team, rather than any act of intent. Usually followed immediately by an apology. Thank God they've never really been to war with anyone. As a final note, it was quite a laugh to view the parking lot in front of the stadium. As I said, it was a local derby. It was also a crowd record for the stadium, with about 5,500 people turning up. And I reckon that about 5,000 of those, came by bicycle. I have never seen so many bicycles in my life !! God only knows how they knew who's was who's. For once I was glad that I was poisoning the planet a little by driving my Volvo the 5km from home to the stadium. It must have been one helluva cycle trip home.

Snail Racing

Every day I work through the centre of town from the bus stop, to my office in Luleå. Back in early March, they started ripping up the central paved carriageway. Made a thumping great hole. About 50m long, maybe 15m wide, and anywhere from 1m to 2m deep. Depending on where you looked. There was a hive of activity, laying new pipes and cables. Fenced the whole thing off which I'm sure thrilled the local shop owners no end over summer. Being the high rent areas and all that. We are now in August, and I have to say that, sweet stuff all has happened. It's still a hive of activity, there must be 30 guys on site. But doing what ??? Come on guys, 6 months is long enough already. How many of you does it honestly take to fill in a hole ? Looking at the current rate, and the amount of work still to complete, there is no way on God's green earth that they will EVER finish before winter kicks in. Does this appear to be a great concern to anyone ? Apparently not. Good to see that my highway robbery taxes are not being put to waste. But we mustn't offend anyone. By suggesting that they stop slacking around and do some bloody work !! There, feel better now. Until I have to walk past them again tonight on the way home.

Driving Miss Daisy

Been here almost a year now. And it's time to TRY and get a Swedish driving licence. One of the pitfalls of not coming from an EU land is that my good old Kiwi driving licence ain't worth squat here after a year. No cross crediting, no reduced testing, it's the full monty for me. I've figured out now that everything takes time, and costs money. So I'm doing my best not to look at either for now. Plenty of time to be pissed off later I reckon. Last month I rocked on over to the local driving school to get things going. There's a few compulsary test items that it's really better to have a driving school arrange for you. So I've been told. Anyhow, I explained to them where I was at and what I needed. They seemed happy enough to help. HOWEVER, before I can sit in the car with them, even as a passenger, I need to get a Swedish "learning to drive" permit. But I can drive now, says I, whipping out my still valid in Sweden Kiwi driving card. Don't make a scrap of difference, says they. You need the permit to learn to drive, before we can teach you. Ok, I could see where this was going. So I gratefully accepted the appropriate application forms, hopped into my car which I had legally driven there, and legally drove away. Anyone else spot the obvious flaw in the system here ? Having completed and posted the application form for a learner permit, I sit here and wait for the precious slip to arrive. Around 5 weeks, said the girl on the phone. Everyone else was on holiday it seemed. Gives me a bit more time to study up on the theory side I guess. The theory is a lot more complicated than I remember. It's more about concepts and ideals, rather than hard and fast rules. Which is very unSwedish. But means you have to think more, and understand what their requirements are. Which I guess makes for better drivers. maybe. We'll see in 5 weeks.

House Buying 102

Finally common sense has prevailed. I've struggled a lot with the concept in Sweden that a listed price is not necessarily THE price. And that the seller is under no obligation to make any decision at any predetermined time. Such was the case with our house hunting endeavours. For me, I'm used to the concept of "Here's my offer, accept it or reject it. Now". Everyone knows where they stand. In Sweden it appears that the seller holds all the cards. There appears to be little interest in the idea of an offer and acceptance. Certainly amongst real estate agents. If you want to buy a property, you submit a bid price. Fair enough. However, the seller might decide to see what other interest is out there, and may choose to wait weeks, or even months, before telling you whether you are successful or not. You, as the buyer, have no idea how long it will be. Now how is that fair in a society that is manic about being fair and equal ? However, we managed to find the holy grail over the weekend. A house we liked, and a seller with a fixed purchase price. His comment of " The first person who will pay my asking price will buy my house " was music to my ears. Some days home feels a little closer. Now we have to give our obligatory 3 months notice to our landlord, so we'll be paying for 2 properties for a while. But at least we're now there.

Take a Number

Now here's a relatively unknown national past time. Taking a number. I don't know how this works in other countries, but I'd certainly never seen anything like this before. Swedes are rather manic when it comes to order and sequence. And nothing says order more than the number queue. Those red fire hose reel number dispensers will become your source of hatred, as well as your necessary lifeline. So how does it all work. Well, be warned that it's not that easy to spot which place will have a number dispenser, and where that dispenser will be located once you enter. You find the cursed spawns of the devil at banks, doctors, shops, chemists, even at the car mechanic workshop. If you want to be acknowledged in any way, shape, or form, by the occupiers of the premises, push the button next to the number dispenser, take the piece of paper with the number printed on it, and wait for your number to appear on the digital display. Which is located in some equally random place. So try and find that early on too. Having the number system means that serving staff no longer have to have to endure any kind of stress by looking at groups of people waiting to be served. The simple "can I help you ?" has been consigned to the shoebox in the back of the wardrobe of customer service. Even those appearing to be wandering aimlessly around the shop are under no obligation to help you. Unless your number has come up. And here's where you get to have a win. Once your number comes up, you OWN the store. Take as long as you like, chat forever, change you mind a hundred times. Pay no attention to the other 20 poor saps still waiting, praying, for their number to appear. Just like you were 15 minutes ago. This is your time in the spotlight. Drink it in. Cherish it for all it's worth. You are a god. Don't fight this system, no matter how ludicrous it looks. And it does. The crowning irony in all this, is the amount of waste paper produced by those infernal number tickets, in a society which champions waste minimisation. Sometimes I think that people can't see the wood for the trees.

Becoming Swedish - the fool's guide

As a Kiwi struggling to swim in a new land, I've decided to share some of my thoughts and experiences about life as an expat in Sweden. I hope that I can be fair and honest about life here. But, be warned, I'm still in that slightly cynical phase. And this blog serves to vent my frustrations at times. However, hopefully there are some tips for others on the highs, lows, traps and pitfalls of starting out afresh in Sweden. You can be the judge. As for me, I arrived in Sweden 12 months ago. So I'm still finding my feet. Sweden is a big country and individual experiences will differ depending on where you are based. My thoughts and advice are taken from a life in the North. I am fortunate to have the love and assistance from my Swedish born wife. But you soon realise quickly that you're not at home, and life will never be the same again. The adventure begins.