All's fair ?

I was interested to follow an on-line discussion the other day from a woman residing in a certain southern hemisphere country who was thinking about moving to Sweden with her Swedish born husband and their children. I say thinking, but really it was rather obvious that she was looking for any and every reason not to move from where she was. As soon as she found what she was after, she was on her way again. No doubt relieved that she had managed to shoot down the rebellion and that life for her would continue merrily exactly as it always had.

Although it's quite obvious that many people from this particular country seem to have trouble living anywhere except in that country, this isn't an isolated case. I hear about it a lot. People like what they have and don't see any reason to change, or it's too much like hard work to make an effort to change.

But here's the rub: they fully expect the other person to change for them.

Since when did that become fair  in a relationship ?

It annoys me to hear some of the feeble excuses getting trotted out as to why it's too hard to live in Sweden. The biggest line that offends me (and it came up in the discussion I was following) was that "we'll come for a holiday and see how it is". Geez, has anyone ever been on a holiday where, at the end of their 3 weeks, they knew exactly what it would be like to live there ? Rubbish. That's just lip service to staisfy some poor Swede who's now obviously thoroughly miserable at being away from his homeland for 10 years. Show some respect and be honest with your husband if you never have any intentions of following it through. That's just cruel.

If I had my way, I never would have left New Zealand. I was born there, went to school there, my friends, family, and 40 years of my life were there. I knew all there was to know about living there without having to raise a sweat. I was comfortable in my life. So why should I change ? I could see inside that woman's mind like it was my own. Any and every reason not to lose one's comfort zone. The weather's different, people will think I'm different, I won't understand them, they don't play the same sports, you can't get the right beer. I'll stop there, but I've got a hundred more if anyone needs them.

At the end of it, there was one reason, and one reason alone, which convinced me to move from New Zealand to Sweden. It was nothing tangible yet it was the most powerful reason of them all. It was simply that my wife had been prepared to give up everything she knew and move to New Zealand. Purely for me. Not for a holiday, not for a 12 months "I'll see if I like it", but for the rest of her life. Without ever once complaining. So when, after almost a decade of living in a strange land, she asked if I might consider us moving together to Sweden, there was only one answer which was fair and right. I should point out that I used the term "consider". Although I knew that she missed Sweden, and all that it meant to her, there was never once the notion that she would move regardless, with or without me. Maybe I just got incredibly lucky. Or maybe the world has become incredibly self centered.