Mile Markers

Living in Sweden has been a series of milestones. I found that having short term, achievable, goals, gave me a much greater hope that I might actually survive. In the beginning, the big picture was so overwhelming that I couldn't imagine how I was going to start, where I was going, or how I was going to get there. Forgetting about that big picture and concentrating on what I knew was realistic has been the key to me making it this far in Sweden.

 

Getting a job was a massive start. I arrived with confidence sky high and ended up at rock bottom after only a few days. Preconceived notions of self-worth were thrown right out the window. I was no longer certain of what I was capable of. Having an employer decide to take a chance on me meant that at least one person in Sweden thought that I just might be worth something. I really needed that boost. Jump ahead and I'm still working for that same employer primarily because of that initial show of faith. To be fair, it's not the best employer in town, they don't treat their employees especially well and the management team seems to have been selected from the local gym. That's fine if your company is selling fitness services but, if you are offfering professional engineering services, the bar should really be set a little higher. Anyway, I work for them today based on how they treated me back then and what it meant to me back then.

 

Attaining a Swedish driving licence was another tick in the milestone box. What was good about this exercise is that there was a time limit. I couldn't put it off because it looked too hard, I had to complete all the tests within a year of arriving. Nothing like a bit of time pressure to help with motivation. A driving licence is not big deal, the big deal is that I now had a Swedish driving licence. I now had one thing in common with all the Swedes. That really lifted my spirits and I had something to show for my stresses at the end of the first year.

 

Passing the full Swedish language course was an important milestone for me. That took me about a year and a half to complete and kept me occupied during that time. Languages don't come easy for me, I have discovered. It is really hard work. What motivated me was that I knew that other people were graduating the course all the time. If they could complete the programme then what excuse was I going to give myself for dropping out. I would have chosen to fail and I would always know that about myself. Not going to happen.

 

Between the driving licence and language courses, I made it through one and a half years. That was a milestone I had set myself before leaving New Zealand, based on stories told to me by people who had moved to New Zealand from UK. They told me that most people who moved back to UK did so within the first 18 months. Those who survived 18 months, generally stayed for good. So my goal was to fight for 18 months, as tough as it was. They were pretty much spot on about most things. After 18 months I was no longer thinking about New Zealand. I had stopped with the comparisons, which are dangerous things in the first place. I had a pretty good handle on how the society functioned and knew how most things worked. The big difference between the UK expats in New Zealand, and my situation in Sweden, was the lack of a common language. 18 months dealt with the emotional changes in the practical environment, but wasn't long enough to account for the language differences. I no longer felt like New Zealand was my home, but I didn't feel that Sweden was my home either. I didn't want to move from Sweden either, so it was something of a state of limbo. I would now need a new milestone to aim for.

 

18 months is half way to 3 years and 3 years, for me, was Swedish citizenship. So I started counting down by months, to citizenship date. Small things happened along the way, both good and bad, but each month survived was one month nearer to becoming elegible for Swedish citizenship. The time went surprisingly quickly, which I guess suggests that there must have been more positive than negative events along the way. I applied for citizenship on the date of my 3 year anniversay and recieved my citizenship certificate exactly 4 weeks later. 2 days after that I had a Swedish passport. Physically I had now all the things that a normal Swede had. Physical milestones were complete.

 

It was around the same time that I also started to believe that I belonged in Sweden. The 18 months period spoken about by my UK friends in New Zealand needed to double in order to allow for a new language. 3 years is what it took to begin to feel like home. If there is advice I can offer to any person or couple out there who are struggling to adapt to a new life in Sweden, give it 3 years. If you walk out before then, you'll never know if you were capable of making it or not. 3 years, in small steps, is acheivable. You won't be the first to have tried it and made it. Being one of the few who gave up would have said more about me than I was willing to admit to myself.

 

There was one more milestone left for me, which was more symbolic. A few years back my ever patient and loving wife made the stupid decision to give up her life in Sweden in favour of a miserable existence in New Zealand. Well, miserable might be a little over-dramatic, but it was a huge leap into the unknown for her. During the darker times in Sweden, it was her commitment to me that kept me going at times. If she was willing to sacrifice for me, then I would be less of a person if I couldn't do the same for her. A bit of pride at stake. Well, last week we reached that break-even mark. I have now lived longer in Sweden than my wife lived in New Zealand. I have repaid in part, the sacrifice she made. Of course time is only part of the picture and there are many things that I will never be able to repay her for.  But continually trying to will be the milestones for the future.