Plane sailing

It's a while since I've had a good bitch and moan about Swedish societies and cultures. I think I've been pretty good about that I have to say. So time for another lash about the same old, yet frustrating, theme.

 

I'm talking of course about the worldwide knowledge of the Swedish ideal of self-importance. Let's be fair, I'm not talking about arrogance, which is what one ususally associates with self-importance in other countries. It's more of a naive sub-conscious state of self-importance. An almost childlike state where the rest of the world exists somewhere else. That just made no sense at all, but I know what I mean.

 

This state of being is a central part of the Swedish psyche and is quite unique. It's not something that you can prepare yourself for, and it's not something that the average Swede is so aware of that they can warn you about it. It's simply ingrained into them not to have their own personal needs trampled over. The background reasoning is sound. You are as important as the person next to you. That's a brilliant message and something we could all take a little bit from. Unfortunately the Swedish education forgot to include the second part of the message, that the person next to you is equally as important as you. And that's where the system breaks down into chaos.

 

Usually it's something that you can work around and, being aware of the weakness, you can take proactive steps to ensure you are not adversly affected by the wave. Occassionally it spills out to affect third parties and the classic example is with air travel.

 

All things considered, Swedish pilots work miracles in the air. They manage to, against the greatest of odds, get to where they are going on time. All this in spite of the best efforts of the Swedish air passenger. I've flown a lot and the one thing you can set your watch on is that, if there is a plane load of Swedes going anywhere, the plane will be late in leaving. The air crew can plead with the rabble, the captain can chime in with threats or consequences, it's all water off a duck's back to the Swedish traveller. They are going to take as long as they think they need in order to wander slowly down the aisle, find their seat, stow their bags, fold and stow their jacket, check their purse or wallet, think about what they might need during the flight, go back to where they stowed their bag, drag it down, open it and retrieve what they want, check that the item is working, stow their bag again, refold their jacket, see if there is a newspaper coming, wander back to their seat, and sit down. At this point, Passenger Number 2 is now free to board the aircraft.

 

As a result, Swedish flights are notoriously late for leaving. Over Swedish airspace it's not a huge problem (which further encourages the practice) as air traffic over Sweden isn't huge. And, as I said before, the pilots manage to step on the gas and get the plane where it needs to be on time. So on the surface there is no harm done and the impression is given of an efficient airline. No, the big problem is when a large number of Swedes board a flight at a busy international terminal. International Air Traffic Control can be very unforgiving. A plane which is not ready to leave on it's scheduled departure time (give me a wave, all you happy Swedish tourists) is promptly dumped to the back of the queue. I have been sitting on a loaded plane on the tarmac for between 30 minutes and 2 hours, due to the flight missing it's departure slot. I've heard the pilot screaming that if everyone is not on board in the next 5 mintues, we would be stuck on the tarmac for the next 2 hours. A pretty clear message to all. Not a problem for our happily self-aware Swede who blissfully continues to stand in the middle of the aisle and mull over it is going to be too warm or too cold on the plane to wear their cardigan. Living in New Zealand, you have to fly if you want to go anywhere, so I've had a bit of experience with air travel over the past 5 decades and I have never, repeat NEVER, struck the problem of passengers continually delaying flights until I encountered large groups of Swedish travellers. Cabin crews must cringe when they read the passenger lists prior to boarding time.

 

The final irony surrounding this unique phenomenon is when the plane lands. Something happens to the travelling Swede who, just a few hours earlier, was giving a great demonstration on what happens when you smoke way too much pot. When it comes to getting off the plane, it's like the Charge of the Light Brigade. Pause to take a breath in the aisle and you'll get run down without a second thought. Any chance that they could shift just a little of that excitement to the boarding process ? Possibly, but then they wouldn't be the Swedes we know and love.