Seventh heaven

Biggest day of the year today. Seventh year wedding anniversary. Unlike last year, I even remembered this one. Actually, because of last year, I had to remember this one. Seven years, it sounds like a long time. And it kind of is. I'm going to get myself in knots here by saying that it feels like forever. Not the driving test type of Forever, more of the "I can't remember what it felt like not to be married to you"feeling. Ok, again, that could be taken several ways. So let me assure you that it means nothing but good things. Honest. Having been stuck in the worst possible kind of marriage for way longer than was healthy, I can appreciate the difference between a good marriage and a bad marriage. Sadly you often don't realising the damage your situation is causing you when you are right in the middle of it. Often you have to be first removed from the situation in order to be objective and recognise toxicity. Looking back I am ashamed of myself for accepting things which never should have been acceptable. This is a good marriage, not a marriage that I take for granted. Not everyone gets to be this lucky so, when you are, you beter damn well look after it.  I haven't always been as thoughtful as I should be. That doesn't mean that I don't care, or that I am intentionally taking things for granted. Quite the opposite, I still can't figure out what she sees in me. Sometimes when you have a crisis of another type in your life, you tend to direct your focus and your energy to that which is the most pressing. That's human nature. The trick is to remember to direct your focus and energy back to where it belongs again once the crisis has passed. I'm not always the best at remembering that. I am thankful for the chance I have been given. Not everyone gets a second chance. I'm not sure that I deserve this chance but I intend to spend the rest of my days trying to earn it. A few years ago I had some unexpected heart surgery. Most heart surgery is unexpected, I guess. Anyway, as I was waiting for my time to be wheeled in to surgery, I remember feeling incredibly calm and almost happy. It occured to me at that moment that, if I should die now, I had the perfect life. Apart from the potentially dying aspect, I wouldn't have changed a single thing in my life as it was that day. It sounds a bit cheesy, but I would die happy. Call me a big softy but I think that meets the definition of a great marriage. The only thing that pisses me off is that I wasted 40 years in getting here.