There is a widespread belief amongst people who come to Sweden from native English speaking countries that Swedes are cold and unfriendly. For me, it's all a matter of perspective and an understanding of cultures. If you were to take the natural traits of a native Swede and implant them into a native English speaker living in a native English speaking country, then that person would most likely appear to be cold and unfriendly when compared to those people around them. The same trait, however, is not viewed in a negative light by those people who have grown up in that Swedish culture. For them, it's perfectly normal. So who is right and who is wrong ? The answer is both and neither.
Specific behavioural traits are a part of the animal kingdom. Different types of dogs behave in different ways, as do different types of birds. It's not such a great leap to think that people who have a different genetic makeup are also going to behave in a different way. In countries where the physical differences, such a skin colour, are obvious, behavioural differences are accepted as being a unique part of that culture without question. The problem comes when we encounter a culture that looks the same as us. We wrongly assume that because one trait of the person is the same as us, then all the other traits of that person must also follow us. When they don't, we place the blame squarely at the feet of that person. If we can do it, and they look the same as us, then why can't they do it ? Funny how the question is never turned around the other way.
New Zealanders have been known (especially amongst themselves) as self reliant inventive people who get on with things, without making a fuss, to get the job done. That hasn't happened by chance. When the original settlers were chosen to travel to NZ, it was those very traits which were sought. Being at the back end of the world, the English government didn't want to send people who couldn't look after themselves or who were likely to cause trouble. So that was part of the selection criteria. Those genetic qualities made the modern New Zealander. Our genetic background shapes more than just our physical appearance. If it didn't, the human race would be rather a bland bunch. So we shouldn't rush to blame the Swedes for simply being who they are.
Moving on to more current times. It takes time to come into a Swedish social circle. It's just the way that they are and it's different from English social circles. You can't just dive in and expect to be accepted as a right. You have to earn your way in. I'm sure that is not unique around the word in other cultures. Swedes are careful about who are their friends. They are a hesitant people who value sincerity, and want to get the choice right first time. Fully expecting an English looking person to behave like an English speaking person, it really threw me when I arrived in Sweden. I was sure that no one liked me. It took me a long time to figure out that it wasn't that they didn't like me, it was that they hadn't known me long enough for them to decide if they were going to like me or not.
Three years ago (almost) we bought our apartment and moved in. Coming out of the elevator and stairwell, we are one of 2 apartments sharing a common walkway to our front doors. We each have own own little outdoor seating area in front of our doors. When we first moved in, we got the occasional suspicious glance from our elderly Swedish neighbours (they are both in their 80s). It probably took about 6 months before we got a greeting out of them. Over the following year we maganged slowly to creep the responses up a little. Not a lot, but definitely forwards. Over the last year I think that we have broken them down. They have finally accepted that as young as we are (cough, cough) and as different as we are, we aren't going away. And, despite their fiercest suspicions, we've been nothing but nice and pleasant towards them. Olga has taken the most time to break through to. Clearly she is a very quiet and private person, and her health is not that great. So I fully understand that she gets a bit stressed with new things. Sune has been the more welcoming of the 2. I have a lot of time for Sune, and I think he for me as well. Sune is a retired railway worker who decided at the age of 70 to teach himself English. I think that's amazing and says a lot about the guy. I also credit that for the warming of our relationship. He likes to be able to practice his English but there's not a lot of opportunity for him. Enter the odd looking neighbour. We've had some quite good chats in recent times. Not from the top shelf, but we both appreciate the effort. Anyway, I must have been doing something right, because last night we got an invite to "sit around the table" with Olga and Sune.
It only took 3 years, but we're in.
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