Minding one's Pees

Well, after 4 years, you'd think I'd have this whole language thing sorted. Certainly it would have to be better than when I first arrived. Having been in Swedish language classes for all of about 3 weeks, and having an indepth grasp of the complexities of the Swedish language, I decided one evening at the dinner table to ask my Swedish mother in law if she had enough to eat. Simple enough, "Are you full?". How hard could that be ? I could handle the first 2 words, but "full" I hadn't quite progressed to at that stage. What I had learnt, however, was that a lot of Swedish words were very similar to the English word of the same meaning. Pretty safe odds I thought. So I sarted out with my best son-in-law winning smile and asked her "Är du" and then, taking a punt, "full ?". The thing is that the very word that you would think should be the same in Swedish as it is in English, usually turns out to be the very word that isn't. The end result was that, 3 weeks after arriving into Sweden I had either enquired as to whether my newly acquired mother-in-law was (A) drunk or (B) ugly. You can kind of take your pick but really neither option is one that you would want to leave hanging out there. Not the best of starts.

Four years later and I'm a frickin expert at this language lark. Won't catch me making the same idiotic mistakes again. You would think. A few weeks ago I was attending a work dinner. I was sitting at a table with my company boss, and a number of fellow consultants from other consultancies in the same field. My professional colleagues. We were having a good time, enjoying the meal and talking about work type stuff. I was doing pretty well if I may say so myself. As we neared the end of the meal, my boss asked the table where the "mugg" was. Now the Swedish passion for drinking coffee is well known worldwide. Unfortunately I'm not a big coffee drinker, and probably never will be. It just doesn't do it for my tastebuds. I had, however, taken a coffee mug when we sat down to eat. For some reason, most likely conformity. My boss, on the other hand, hadn't taken a coffee cup when he sat down. Seizing the gift wrapped opportunity to score a few extra brownie points, I handed him my coffee mug. I told him to use this as I wouldn't be needing it. Talk about getting in sweet with the big brass. So I was somewhat confused by the suddenly stunned silence which descended upon the table. Shortly after, I learnt 4 valuable things. Firstly, the word Mugg in Swedish, can indeed refer to a mug or jug, just as it does in English. Secondly, and this one turned out to be rather critical, the word "Mugg" is also the Swedish slang word for "toilet". Thirdly, I learnt that my boss wasn't thirsty. Finally, I now know that my boss is not one of those people who is particularly comfortable peeing into a coffee cup whilst sitting at a restaurant.

Unfortunately, he now thinks that I am.