2011 reportcard - part one

It's not quite the end of the year, yet. But it's close enough. Time for a bit of a stocktake for the year, and it's been a pretty big one. Probably the biggest event was gaining Swedish citizenship. That was always my goal. I know it doesn't mean much to Europeans, but it was important to me. One of the official definitions of Swedish citizenship says that "only Swedish citizens have the absolute right to live in Sweden". The absolute right. There are EU agreements and various bilateral arrangements currently in place, but a citizen of the country is a citizen of the country. Should the world suddenly turn to crap, I know that I'll always be able to live here. That was really important. As an added bonus, as it stands today, we could now live pretty much anywhere in Europe, in New Zealand, or in Australia. That's a fair chunk of the world open to us. To be honest, I'm not terribly fussed about the other parts.

There's been a few people close to me who have expressed surpise that I managed to live here long enough to gain citizenship. Apaprently there was money changing hands over how long I would be able to stick it out. Well, not really, but confidence in me wasn't overly high. I was surpised that they felt that way. I probably gave them just cause during that time, in my many not so "light filled" hours. I did wonder why they never said anything at the time, but I can also understand why not.

To be frank, my main motivating factor for getting through the 3 years was straight out pride and arrogance. I would have loved to have cut my losses and run. On more than one occasion. But then, I'd always know that was exactly what I had done. Taken the easy way out. There is a whole country full of people who struggled through, made it, and had a wonderful life in Sweden. Was I going to feel less than them ? Like hell. There was also no way I was going to go back to NZ and tell people "Hey, I tried, but I wasn't as good as the other people, and I wasn't as good as I thought I was". No way. So while it may be nice to say that I did it for love, the actual motivation was a lot more primitive than that. I'm also a pretty lazy and selfish person. I don't like doing something if there's not something in it for me at the end. If I had just given up and walked away, it would have all been for nothing. Three years of my life with nothing but failure to show for it. Again, as much as I might like to have noble ideals, it was arrogant pride and the fear of how people would view me, that kept me going.

The first year was hell. No two ways around that. I didn't understand anything. Everything was being done wrong, and no one seemed to be able to understand that either. If I could have buggered off during the first year, I would have.

The good thing about surviving one year, is that you can start counting down. It's no longer 3 years until citizenship, it's now 23 months and counting. That's heaps smaller. Yeah, you're only fooling yourself, but small milestones can be very effective when life is a bit of a slog.

The second year was tough. I still didn't really understand much. Stuff was still wrong, but it was more annoying than soul destroying. I only thought about leaving maybe once a month.

The third year was acceptable. I pretty much understood what was going on, and why it was. I didn't always agree, but figured that there must have been a reason and that 9 million people can't all be wrong. I started to value those things about life in Sweden that I had begrudgingly allowed myself to enjoy. I also started to see the flaws in my home country in a way that I couldn't have seen when I was living there.

Year four, as brief as it has been to date, has been more in a positive direction than not. I might have a Swedish passport, but I'm no Swede. I am, however, having a very nice time living here. Ironically it was the notion of "just hang in there to get to the 3 years" that kept me going a lot of the time. Yet, now that I've reached that point, I can't see myself living anywhere else. My Swedish wife keeps talking about moving to live somewhere else one day. I wish her luck and hope that she'll send me a postcard. Because I don't plan on going anywhere.