I had a good chat on the phone with my sister the other day, which is something I don't do nearly often enough. My sister moved from New Zealand to Australia more than a decade ago and we lost touch for a long time. For one reason or another. Ironically it's only been since I moved from NZ to Sweden that we've started up regular contact again. That's a good thing. Anyway, one of the things we talked about was the issue of emigration and how the realities match up with the expectations. Our family is pretty well placed to examine this. Of the 3 of us surviving members, not one of us still lives in New Zealand today. One is in Australia, one in England, and of course one made the smartest choice and moved to Sweden. So we're a bit of a case study into integration/assimilation.
My sister and I agree on several points when it comes to living in a new country. First of all, we both love where we live and wouldn't change it for anything. It has all the things that are important to us, and none of the things that we left NZ to get away from. My sister could never accept the Swedish climate and I could never live in a country that behaves like it's permanently on a high school summer break. That's unique to each of us and could be a total disaster for anyone else who had different life factors as being of a greater importance. So we got lucky there.
The key point that we agree on is that we are foreigners in our new country. Obvious enough. The thing is that we will always be foreigners, and we have accepted that. Even coming from the immediate neighbouring country, having lived there for more than a decade, having gained citizenship, my sister will never be an Australian. If I stay in Sweden for the rest of my days, which I intend to do (apart from the occasional clothes shopping weekend in Milan), I will never be a Swede. I will always be a slight outsider. It's not like we get spat at out on the streets, or have to ride on a different bus, but we'll always be viewed as being different and possibly not quite as valuable as someone who was born in that country. Again, it's not a malicious thing, it's just human nature.
Both my sister and I agree that we're ok with that. We know that we're not natives to the country, that we'll always be a bit different, but that we're ok with that. We still have great lives and enjoy being New Zealanders who have made their home elsewhere. I don't think that either of us give it a second thought today.
Sadly, the third member of our family, the one who moved to England, chose a different path. One that can never work. He decided that, if one was going to be living in England, then one had to become all things English. He had to embrace everything that English born people had been raised with as though it was the only thing he had ever known and that any life he had before arriving into England no longer existed. He tried to turn himself into an Englishman. Which, of course, he wasn't and never would be. A disaster.
I've seen this play out a few times over the years. Newly arrived people immediately trying to become like everyone else. Using all the local catch phrases, adoring the local food, instantly loving all the local sports and past times. In a well intentioned attempt to fit in. Way over the top and completely wrong. All it does is to draw attention to the fact that you're from out of town which is exactly the opposite effect that you're gunning for. I used to get annoyed in NZ when my Swedish wife suddenly became a rugby football fanatic. You don't become a fan of a new sport after 6 months, or even after several years. I grew up with the sport, played it at quite a high level, and yet I knew that it was nowhere near as exciting as she was making it to be. It just highlighted that she was a Swede who was trying to be a NZer. She figured that one out in the end, and became a very happy Swede again. which I was very happy about.
The average Australian doesn't go surfing every day or have barbeques in the backyard every evening, the average English person doesn't eat Yorkshire pudding (whatever the hell that is) 3 times a day or wear a Union Jack cap to collect the post, and the average Swede doesn't scoff down a can of surstömming for dinner every night. A great way to stick out as being different and odd in a bad way.
If you want everyone to see that you're not Swedish, try to love as many Swedish things as you can all at the same time. If that's your goal. If you don't want to stick out as some kind of novelty, just be who you are. If you're a New Zealander who quite likes living in Sweden, be a New Zealander who quite likes living in Sweden. Because that's what you are, and that's what you'll always be. It's also the way that native Swedes (whom you're trying to impress) will always see you. It's not a negative thing and no one is going to hate you for it. There's nothing wrong with being a bit different. Mistakingly trying to replace a genuine heritage with a newly invented heritage is a recipe for disaster.
No comments:
Post a Comment