Busted

I'm now largely enjoying the integration process, especially today when I scored a free lunch from a supplier who I've never bought anything from and am unlikely ever to (hopefully he doesn't read English blog sites). But, I do like keeping a few things up my sleeve, for the days when the average Swede has crossed my boundaries of acceptability. Your every day, run of the mill, Swede, can understand English pretty well. But they are rather funny to listen to when they speak English. It's like listening to an entire episode of an American crime drama in about 30 seconds. But, I guess that I like to try out new cliques too, so that I think I sound more like the real thing. Bless them. The big advantage that we Colonials have is that Swedes don't understand the many variations of English around the world. Apart from American gangster rap, which they seem to have learnt as a compulsary subject in school. And, to be fair, I don't follow everything that a person from South London says either. But, as I said, it's not all negative. I have a few mutter phrases which I trot out when the locals run foul of me, carefully chosen to be well beyond the grasp of a traditionally English language educated Swede. Local dialect stuff from the Colonies. "Manus" is a good one to use, and I highly recommend you try it out. It has a hidden real advantage in that it's also a Swedish word, meaning manuscript. However, in the hands of an experienced ex-pat, it means "idiot" (or "DN spammer"). Now, a regular contributor on the street is "Bugger Off, Dopey". Which most English speakers will recognise as "Do you think that you would mind stepping aside, if it's not too much trouble". It's a standard form of greeting in NZ and Australia. English and Americans don't pick up on it straight away, and it's way over the head of a Swede. So it's perfect for the mindless weaving wandering Swede who is the scurge of the city footpaths. So anyway, I was on my way to catch the bus home. And running a bit late as per usual. Not sprinting late, but the fast paced walk that one does when one really needs to find a toilet but it's a bit to risky to attempt running. Half way along the street, a guy with a scraggy beard and wearing a backpack came wandering out of a shop and started dawdling along right in front of me. Like waving the finger at a tooting motorist, it came out of me as an involuntary action. "Bugger Off, Dopey". To my shock and horror the guy left about 2 feet up into the air and about 2 metres sideways, almost throwing himself against the shop window in order to get out of the way. Immediately looking for somewhere to hide, I shuffled past trying to look innocent and mumbling away to myself in Swedish. Like that was going to be a reassuring sight. In my defence, what were the odds that I would happen across the only backpacker from NZ or Australia, in the north of Sweden, at precisely the time I didn't need to meet one ? The only 2 countries in the world where that simple phrase would inoke such an instant reaction. And I feel for the poor ANZAC backpacker, who had spend his life savings on the overseas adventure of a lifetime, and who will now go home and tell the entire Australasian communty to stay away from the north of Sweden at all costs. Five minutes in the country and you get abused. My first international diplomatic incident for the month. Won't be my last.