It's not you, it's me.

I've read quite a bit in recent times about how many couples are struggling to adapt to a new life in Sweden. At the risk of stereotyping, this seems to involve mainly English speaking males and their Swedish born wives or partners. And, in most cases, the history appears to be of a couple living in the country of the English speaking person for some years, before emmigrating to Sweden. A category which I also fall into. The stories I hear most often are of an apparant change in personality on the part of the Swedish wife, once returning to Sweden. She's not the same person now that she's back home. And that's a fair comment. I remember back in the days when I was heavily involved in dog breeding, the discussion about the influence of environment over genetic traits in personality. While most of what we are comes from our genes, where and how we live does serve to help shape our personalities. To a lesser extent. So it would hold that, if you change a person's environment, then you will, by default, change part of their personality. Which tends to support what my English speaking comrades in arms have experienced. So the wonderful women we fell madly in love with are now not the same people now that we're all living in Sweden. Us English speaking guys, on the other hand, have remained exactly as we were when we lived in the familiar comfort of our home countries. Yeah, right. Is it not possible that we've become despressed, annoyed, and thoroughly cynical bastards in the process ? I know that I have. I'm not saying that's a deliberate process, but it's an inevitable result in being ripped out of the only environment we've ever known. Compounded by a hugely diminished ability to communicate with those around us. It's a miracle we're still alive actually. And it's a miracle that our Swedish partners have continued to tolerate us. Would I have had the patience and understanding that my wife has shown me over these past years ? No. Would any native English speaking person ? Probably not. Say what you like about Swedes and the annoying way that they just accept things. But, when you need those closest to you to accept the battle you're going through, I would have a Swede by my side any day. I've been absolute hell to live with at times since moving here. I hope that I'm a bit better today, but I know I still have my moments. The fact that my Swedish wife continues to put up with me is a constant source of wonder for me. I will always be grateful to her for supporting me while I find my feet in a strange land, and for leading the way as we build our new life together here. I don't know of anyone else who would have gone through what she has been through for me. I'll never be able to repay her, but I can hope that she knows. And that's why I love Sweden, spitters and all (djävla grisar).