Surviving the Silly Season

Survived my second Swedish Christmas. A little less traumatic than the previous year, due largely to the fact I knew what was coming. And could prepare accordingly. Christmas can be a great time in Sweden. One thing I'll give them is that they do take their festive seasons seriously. Apart from the obvious lure of pressies, Christmas was never a big deal for me growing up. Maybe that was because it was summer, rather than winter. Which meant that Christmas signalled the start of summer holidays. And got a bit overshadowed as a result. Sure, we had Chrsitmas dinner, and all that. But the day usually revolved around a strictly controlled timetable which included marching dutifully to each set of grandparents before packing up the car ready to launch forth on our annual summer vacation the next day. So not a lot of really fond festive memories there. Swedish Christmas ( and probably all northern hemisphere Christmases ) is a bit more special. And revolves around the occasion itself. Still a good old fashioned piss up, but you do feel a bit more connected to the people around you. At least, that's how it worked for me. If you happen to be working, most companies will finish work either on the 22nd, or midway through the 23rd. Some time shortly after lunch. Short, or half days, are quite common during the course of the working year in Sweden. Usually the day before a public holiday. I have to laugh about this, however. Maybe I just work with strange people, I don't know. But, in my working history, if we had a short day, everyone worked straight through until the designated finish time. Not so, it seems. if we are to finish at 2pm, everyone starts at 8am as usual. Come 11:30am, they all break for a one hour lunch. Come back for an hour and a half, and then wobble off home. Why not just work right through and then piss off home at 1pm, folks ??? Ok, so I've still got some things to learn here. But back to Christmas. Tradition plays a big part, at least in my Swedish family. The evening of the 23rd is the official time for wrapping Christmas presents. The television channels even run late night movies, especially for the occasion. Christmas itself is celebrated on the 24th, rather than the English 25th. But the day itself is a bit of a nothing day. Spent basically cooking and baking for the orgy to follow. Don't underestimate the power for the Swedish Julbord. Starve yourself for a week before Christmas, and wear your best eating pants. We gathered at around 4:30pm for battle ( that's half five in Swedish time). A cup of warm Glögg was thrust into the hand on arrival. Glögg is an ok drink. A bit sickly for me, but ok. The rest of the world calls it Mulled Wine. After the traditional welcoming shouts of God Jul, black slapping, hugging and handshaking, it's down to the business in hand. Swedish Christmas dinner (Julboard) consists of a number of courses. Pacing yourself is the key here, because they do get progressively tougher. The first course it an appetiser course, accompanied by a glass (or 3) of Schnapps. I'm not a big drinker of spirits, so this is an event I really need to prepare myself for. Somehow I always end up sitting next to the family member in charge of the alcohol distribution. No chance for rest there. Back to the battle. The first course consisted of a selection of little things. Usually small fish or fruit pies, and a strange little reindeer meat type pie in a a large glazed shell with a white sauce. Swedes are manic on fish so, if you don't like fish, well, you're basically screwed. Round two, and we're onto the cold dishes. Beer is the drink of the day for this course. Topped off with a selection of cold meats, egg slices, a variety of salads, and about 300 variations of salmon and herring. I don't mind this course too much, especially the beetroot salad, a personal favourite. Now is where the real eaters get sorted out from the amateurs. The warm food course. And the red wine appears on the table. Not that the beer has been removed of course. And the schnapps is continuously topped up by the resident drunk who takes great delight in shouting "skål" every 2 minutes. The warm course consists of freshly cooked ham, meat balls, sausages, boiled potatoes, more salads, and a rather unusual dish known affectionally as Jansonn's Temptation. Now, I don't know anything about this Jansonn bloke, but I would say that it didn't take a lot to tempt him. It's kind of a potato casserole thing, with anchovies added in. For some strange reason. Anyway, by this time you're starting to lose the will to live, so it doesn't really amtter what's getting forced down. Mercifully there is now a break from the eating torture. Of sorts. We adjourn to the lounge room (vardagsrum) and await the arrival of good old Tomten. At this point the eagle eyed amongst us will have spotted that one family member (typically the one most drunk) has disappeared. Apparently he simply HAD to duck out to buy the evening newspaper. And would you believe it, right at that moment, good old Santa arrives ! There's a Swedish custom of Tomten (Santa) arriving in person on Christmas Eve. Someone thought it was a great idea to sell a Santa type mask, which is a one piece item featuring a red hat, white beard, and a face resembling Freddy Kruger after a hard night out with the lads. Honestly, if I were a kid in Sweden, this guy would keep me in therapy for years. Anyway, for about the next 20 minutes a drunken homicidal maniac staggers around the lounge, handing out presents, and groping the kids. Fortunately everyone is so tanked up on schnapps, beer, glögg and wine, that it all appears to be perfectly normal. No rest for the wicked, and it's back to the table for dessert (efterrätt). This is a bit more recognisable for the outoftowners. Follwed up with selections of cheeses, coffees, and now brandy. By the time we staggered out the door shortly before midnight, my nerve senses had long since given up in disgust. Which made the walk home in minus 20 degrees rather pleasant. I reckon I was over the legal limit for driving until about New Years Eve. Which unfortunately is another festival to be endured. More about that disaster later.